No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he thought i was a dude.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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