Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
