I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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