If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
