when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
