My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the day after is always just damage control
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
