Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
