It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
