if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
