FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize