Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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