I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
