Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
