Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
