I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
