I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
