It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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