This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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