im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
