You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
