he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize