I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
