If i come over, it means nothing
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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