She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
only if we run a train.
done.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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