Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
