After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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