I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
