Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
