Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
