this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
