Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
