I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
