My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize