Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
