Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
