then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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