This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
