OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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