Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
