i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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