Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
