Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
