FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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