she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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