A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
