1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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