if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
