just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
