last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
