just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
