I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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