Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
