yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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