I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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