ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Send help, water and tortillas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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