Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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