grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
