Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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