Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
