I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
