I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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