just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
