Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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