i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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