i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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