he shaved USA in his pubs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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