We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
