I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
