You can't motorboat a personality
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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